bittersweet

They say you don't know a good thing until it's gone. Well in this case it was a great thing and I knew it then and I know it now. I am sad to admit that I (well all my siblings and cousins alike) am left now at the ripe ole age of 35 without any grandparents left in this world. I am certain that they are basking in the glory of Gods wonder up above. But for me down here on earth I find myself from time to time at a loss.

I only knew (personally) 3 out of 4 of my grandparents. My mom's Dad passed when I was only a small baby. I had the gift of getting to know and enjoy both of my grandmothers (Grandma Hartley- Virginia- and Mongie) and my dad's Dad- Pamps. And what a gift that was. I think of them and all my fond memories daily and accept that I can only rely on my memories now. I tell my children and husband of them and their lives and the impact it had on my childhood/young adulthood/family.

There are however, those rare times when I shed a tear, more for myself than them, that they are no longer here with me. Today was one of them. My dad's Dad- Pamps- passed when I was only 5, yet I still have some very vivid memories of my times spent with him. I know alot about him from stories I've been told over the years too. He was an amazing man. My dad tells us, and I remember some of this, that because of his line of work and love for aviation, he could look up in the sky at any plane and tell you what it's make and model was. I remember being in their backyard and him pointing up at the sky as a plane flew over and telling us what it was.

We live in one of the many flight paths to BWI Airport. Tonight, as we were sitting outside, a plane flew over and Aidan said to me, "I really like that plane. What kind of plane is that?" And as I looked up to the sky I realized, I know exactly who could tell you the answer to that! But instead I said, "I'm not sure Aidan. I'll have to find out for you." And silently shed a tear, more for myself- out of selfishness than anything. I know it was more for myself though. I wished my grandpa was here to put my son on his lap and say, "Well Aidan, that's a ..... plane and it was built in .... and flown by..... because I know he would never leave Pamp's side if he were around today.

Lucky for me, Aidan has not 1 but 2 grandpas' that he both admires and adores! I guess I should say, Lucky for him!